A year, a whole freakin' year has come and gone. I am no longer the person I used to be, that's for sure. I am a mother. I am someone's mother. I am Alessandra's mother. Wow, it gets stronger every time I say it.
I have learned so much in the past year, but it's nothing I can pass on to other new mothers. Just know that it is a experience you will never forget. You will doubt yourself, your decisions, your future. You may never want anymore children. You may want to start trying right away. Me, I am still indecisive. I use the excuse that I have no room for another baby (although it's a good excuse to get away from the neighbors from hell). I had these thoughts of "Can I do this?" and there were countless nights that I sat on the toilet (lid down) crying telling myself that I couldn't as I held the 2 suction cups to my boobs forcing 2 ounces of milk into these bottles. Well, we managed, and formula did not kill her. I would tell myself that she would never sleep through the night and I would never function through the day. And wouldn't you know that 2 weeks before I went back to work, the miracle of all miracles happened-she slept through the night in her crib. And when she cried and cried and cried and I got so frustrated because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her, I cried too. But eventually, we figured each other out. And then she got a tooth, and then she got her ears pierced, and then she sat up, rolled over, and eventually crawled and said daddy over and over and over again. She's mine, and she's not going anywhere, and I love her, and I wouldn't have changed any of these things for the world. And now when she cries, I know why, and when she poops, I know when, and when a tooth is coming, I help soothe her pain. And when she makes eye contact with me, and smiles with a mouth full of 7 teeth and that crazy morning afro, and we crack up at each other, I say to myself, wow, what a year! And I run my finger across that beautiful scar on my stomach, I am so thankful for you.
I love you, mama!
Happy Birthday!
Love,
Mommy 8/12/07
I have learned so much in the past year, but it's nothing I can pass on to other new mothers. Just know that it is a experience you will never forget. You will doubt yourself, your decisions, your future. You may never want anymore children. You may want to start trying right away. Me, I am still indecisive. I use the excuse that I have no room for another baby (although it's a good excuse to get away from the neighbors from hell). I had these thoughts of "Can I do this?" and there were countless nights that I sat on the toilet (lid down) crying telling myself that I couldn't as I held the 2 suction cups to my boobs forcing 2 ounces of milk into these bottles. Well, we managed, and formula did not kill her. I would tell myself that she would never sleep through the night and I would never function through the day. And wouldn't you know that 2 weeks before I went back to work, the miracle of all miracles happened-she slept through the night in her crib. And when she cried and cried and cried and I got so frustrated because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her, I cried too. But eventually, we figured each other out. And then she got a tooth, and then she got her ears pierced, and then she sat up, rolled over, and eventually crawled and said daddy over and over and over again. She's mine, and she's not going anywhere, and I love her, and I wouldn't have changed any of these things for the world. And now when she cries, I know why, and when she poops, I know when, and when a tooth is coming, I help soothe her pain. And when she makes eye contact with me, and smiles with a mouth full of 7 teeth and that crazy morning afro, and we crack up at each other, I say to myself, wow, what a year! And I run my finger across that beautiful scar on my stomach, I am so thankful for you.
I love you, mama!
Happy Birthday!
Love,
Mommy 8/12/07
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